


Asks And Answers

by hallowgirl



Category: Lolitics, Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: (of the less platonic type), (originally), (totally not just friends), Affectionate Insults, Banter, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Bercow Has Had Enough, Camerband, Camili, First Kiss, From hate to love, Just Friends, M/M, Opposites Attract, PMQs, Politically, Post-Election, Post-GE2015, Snark To Snark Combat, Too Much Banter, Vitriolic Best Buds, deadpan snarker, everyone can see it, from enemies to friends to lovers, kind of, lisping, oblivious to love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5268086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallowgirl/pseuds/hallowgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And yet you seemed quite certain when you assumed I wouldn't say yes."<br/>"And yet <em>you</em> seemed quite certain when you assumed I wouldn't ask you out."</p>
<p>Ed Miliband might not be Leader of the Opposition anymore. That doesn't mean he and David Cameron have stopped arguing. Camerband. Inspired by a prompt for a fic entirely in dialogue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asks And Answers

**Author's Note:**

> So, OK, while I'm still working on & posting my epic Camerband fic and also getting right back into Destiel-that is endgame, I cannot cope otherwise, I will go down with this ship-I got a prompt for a fic entirely in dialogue and with all their exchanges, who better than Davey and Mili to carry this one off? Plus, with Emili arguing for cross-party consensus and giving a bit of praise to Dcam recently, and Dcam working on bringing some of Emili's proposals into practice, it was practically required I write some more Camerband. Also, my epic Camerband fic is of course, way behind current events as it's set from 2014 to now so it's nice to write something that's been in line with things that are currently happening in Parliament and some of the new faces.  
> Leave a comment, guys, let me know if you like it.

"Order, order-I would like to remind both the Prime Minister _and_ the Right Honourable Member that exchanges should remain _away_ from the personal, and should _certainly_ not involve interruptions- _Order!"_  
"Might I remind the Right Honourable Gentleman that the measures we are currently being forced to take in the migrant crisis have been made necessary by _his_ party-and that he did _nothing_ to suggest new measures when the party was under _his_ leadership!"  
"Order. _Order_ -this is _not_ supposed to be a dialogue between the Prime Minister and the Right Honourable-Mr. Miliband, I must insist-"  
"Might I remind the Prime Minister that perhaps it's _his_ party's outdated methods of handling the immigration crisis that are reducing migrants to this level of desperation-"  
"Might I remind the Right Honourable Gentleman that it's his party-or should I say, what _used_ to be his party-"  
"Order! _Order_ -both the Prime Minister _and_ the Leader of-I mean, the Right Honourable Member-I mean-"  
"Might I remind the Prime Minister that the fact he increasingly resorts to personal attacks simply signifies-"  
_"ORDER!_ And _yes_ , that _is_ the _final_ time I will say it! Now, the Right Honourable Member for Doncaster North can take it from me that he has _finished_ his question and if he and the Prime Minister want to continue this childish debate-yes, that _is_ the term I am going to use-they are both welcome to do so _elsewhere_ and if _one more word_ is uttered about the matter right now, I will leave them _both_ with _no choice_ in the matter. Now, _sit down._  
"-"  
"With due respect to his leadership of the country, I would advise the Prime Minister to, for _once_ in his life, _not speak."_  
"-"  
"The same applies to the Right Honourable Member for Doncaster North-unless they _both_ wish to find themselves _out of the chamber."_  
"."  
"."  
"Good. Now, if questions to the Prime Minister can proceed _calmly_ \- with _one_ question per member, as per the rules. _Thank you."_

* * *

  
"I've got to compliment you on that subtle method of letting me know you wanted to th-see me, Cameron-"  
"Oh, shut up, Miliband-what the _hell_ was that in the Commons?"  
"I asked a question and you answered it. Or should I say, you _avoided_ answering it-"  
_"You didn't even let me finish the sentence-"_  
"Well, when you know what it's going to be, it's hard not to jump in."  
"Oh, for-if this is some new crack about _predictable Tories-"_  
"It's impressive you're gaining th-some self-knowledge , at least."  
"Oh, for Christ's sake. I think you made your opinion of me quite clear during the last five years-you'd think you might want a break from it _now-"_  
"Because _you've_ never been one to voice your opinions."  
"Oh, for God's sake, Miliband, you did a better job of keeping things professional when you were party leader-and given how _that_ worked out-"  
"-"  
"OK, that was-overstepping the mark a little."  
"-"  
"Oh, come on, Miliband, you know it was in _jest."_  
"-"  
"Oh, for- _fine._ If you insist on keeping up with- _fine_ , here you go. I'm _sorry._ Is _that_ satisfactory?"  
"Just. Amusing, more than anything."  
"You mean, you-you know, _you_ are one to talk about childish."  
"Only because it's too easy to goad you into being personal. What did you want to see me about, Prime Minister?"  
"What do you think? The fact that you keep -"  
"Asking questions?"  
"Oh, don't give me that, you know fine well-trying to humiliate me-you're only getting yourself into trouble, Bercow will just throw you out-"  
"And you. Do you know, I believe you'll make hith-story-the first Prime Minister ever to be asked to leave the Chamber-"  
"Now who's childish, Miliband?"  
"Is that all you wanted to th-see me about? Though I know you have a lot more time on your handth-s recently-"  
"....Now who's being personal?"  
"....Maybe that was too far."  
"Oh, you think so?"  
"Fine, Cameron, I _apologize._ It was too far. Look, I know you and Sam-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound-"  
"You don't mean a lot of things, though, including most of your promises-"  
"Cameron, _you're_ talking about broken promises? _You? You'd_ broken your promises before Parliament even opened-"  
"I know the idea of admitting flaws is a foreign concept for you, Miliband-as is a genuine apology-"  
"Oh, for the- _fine_ , Cameron, I'm _sorry._ I didn't mean it to sound-"  
"Petty?"  
_"The way it did._ I'm _sorry."_  
"Thank you. Just."  
"Well, you're hardly easy to apologize to. Oh, don't look at me like _that_ , Cameron, you have to admit it."  
"Maybe."  
"And I _was_ sorry to hear about-you know. You and Sam."  
"So were the kids. Though they're happy they still get to stay in Downing Street at weekends."  
"I wish ours' could say that."  
"Oh. Oh, yes-you and-well, um-I suppose that they'll get used to it. I mean-they know you and Justine love them both-and-well, I'm sure they'll come round. Just-maybe they need a little more time."  
"I'm not entirely sure they're well-disposed to either of us right now, if I'm honest."  
"What, me and you or you and Justine?"  
"Cameron, has anyone ever told you your attempts to lighten the mood invariably _fail?"_  
"You. On countless occasions."  
"So some of what I th-say goes in. Good to know."  
"A lot goes in, actually. Much as I'd like it not to."  
"I expect it's hard to hear how often you're wrong."  
"Oh, for-listen, you do know this doesn't make things any easier for you if you keep arguing, it just makes Bercow furious-and God knows he has enough on his plate right now, you'll be lucky if he doesn't have your head-"  
"I'd have thought that would be what you want."  
"What, your head?"  
"....."  
"I-oh-well-I-didn't mean-"  
"I-um-I meant, metap-phorically. Obviously-"  
"Yes, I mean-um-obviously. But-"  
"Yes, well-"  
"Well, anyway, it doesn't reflect well on either of us, for God's sake, Miliband! I know you've got trouble seeing the obvious-but for pity's sake, even _you've_ got to see that-"  
"I'm flattered. Even while trying to help, you have the time to throw insults."  
"Oh, I'm not just helping _you_ , Miliband. It's downright _infuriating_ to have you constantly refusing to accept an answer, I've had five years of it-"  
"It would be _fantastic_ to accept an answer, if you'd actually _provide_ one-"  
"Miliband, to be brutal, you are no longer able to ask more than one question on Wednesdays. Now, I'm not saying I don't miss-"  
"....What?"  
"Nothing."  
"You just said _I don't miss."_  
"No, I didn't."  
"Yes, you did."  
"No, I didn't-"  
"Yes, you did-"  
"Oh, for God's sake, Miliband, we sound like two children!"  
_"You_ certainly do. And you said _I'm not saying I don't miss."_  
"Oh, for-well-what do you expect me to-"  
"You're saying you miss me opposing you?"  
"........Maybe! A tad! But I mean-that's-that's normal-I mean, God, we've known each other for-"  
"Interesting."  
"Oh, for-well, _you're_ the one who keeps on with the questions, if anyone _misses_ it, it must be-"  
"I didn't say I didn't."  
"What?"  
"Miss it."  
".....Oh. Well-I-um....Maybe I-I mean, maybe I do-a little-"  
"Evidently. Calling me in here to continue an argument, it might as well be a year ago."  
"You certainly haven't got any less annoying, in that time."  
"I think you've got more arrogant, Cameron, to be honest-"  
"Dear God, Miliband, I'm trying to get you not to get yourself thrown out of the Commons! Just because you miss debating with-what is it?"  
"I-nothing."  
"You were-looking at me-"  
"I _said_ nothing."  
"....That's it, isn't it?"  
"That's what?"  
"You miss debating me."  
"C-Cameron, I knew you were arrogant, but-"  
"That's why you're asking all those questions, isn't it?"  
"For God's-this isn't some-some romantic comedy, Cameron! This isn't some-oh, will you _stop grinning_ , you know what I meant-"  
"No, I don't, actually. Tell me more."  
"You-this isn't some-some bizarre way of showing- _affection_ \- or something-it's merely-merely a-a-I don't know, a-coping mechanism-"  
"I'm touched."  
"You should be."  
"...."  
"I-um-not like-"  
"I-um-"  
"...Right. But you-this isn't-this-"  
"I hope you're glad I shut the door, Miliband. Imagine if this was taking place in the corridors. People might start to get the wrong idea."  
"Cameron, if you're implying people would think you were _asking me out-"_  
_"Me_ asking _you_ out? _You're_ the one who can't stop asking me questions-"  
"I should think a selective _mute_ would find it difficult not to ask questions about some of _your_ policies, _Cameron-"_  
"I should think that someone so focused on equality would have no problem with one person of a different class-"  
_"What?_ Cameron, I know you have problems _focusing on the issue_ , but unless you're finally admitting that your wealth outstrips what everyone guessed, we're of a _similar class-"_  
"I meant decorum, really. Though we never see a class act from you, it has to be said-"  
"Oh, hilarious. And I thought you might finally be showing some originality."  
"You did? Thank you."  
".......Anyway, Cameron, I doubt _anyone_ would think _you_ were asking _me_ out. "  
"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"  
" A Tory lowering themselves to approach a Labourite? Hell would freeze over-"  
"Oh, for God's sake, Miliband, have you not heard of reverse snobbery-"  
"You can't blame me for knowing you well, Cameron."  
_"Fine!_ As if _anyone_ would expect _you_ to say yes-I'm sure you'd never compromise your morals, for all your talk about equality-"  
"Cameron, if you are implying this is _anything_ to do with _homophobia-"_  
"I wasn't! I was pointing out your-your attitude towards the upper class! Credit me with knowing you a _little_ , Miliband."  
"....Oh."  
"Yes, _oh._ So much for your _one thing I admire about David Cameron-"_  
"Fine, I misjudged you. Though it's nice to remember there's _one_ area in which you're progressive."  
_"Oh, for pity's sake_ - _you're_ the one who wouldn't say yes to a Tory, _Miliband._ And I thought you were all for crossing the lines of class division."  
"How do you know I wouldn't?"  
"What?"  
"Say yes?"  
"...I-"  
"To a-um-Tory."  
"Oh. Well, obviously. I-well, if you would. Fine. I misjudged you. But you can't blame me for being- _surprised_ at your choice."  
"More progress, Cameron-almost an apology. And surprised at what?"  
"At-you know-I just assumed-you wouldn't do that."  
"Conth-sider dating a Tory? I suppose I assumed the same thing."  
"Assumed?"  
"Pardon?"  
"Past tense. _Assumed."_  
".....I..um.."  
"Anyway, it-it'd be up to you-your-I mean, you know, if you were dating a-someone of the same-"  
"Thank you, Cameron, that's a weight off my shoulders. _David Cameron approveth-s of my relationships_ , I can check that off the list that keeps me awake at night-"  
"Really, Miliband? I'm trying to be _nice-"_  
_"Trying_ is the operative word."  
"Oh, for pity's-anyway, it's not as if-it's not as if I even _know-"_  
"Well, Cameron, when two men like each other very much-"  
"Not _that!_ I know _that-"_  
"You do?"  
"Very funny-I meant that-you know-it's not like I know what you-who you'd want-"  
"And yet you seemed quite certain when you assumed I wouldn't say yes."  
"And yet, _you_ seemed quite certain when you assumed I wouldn't ask you out."  
"..."  
"I mean-a-a Labour-you know-"  
"Oh, yes. Yes. I mean-"  
"Well, um-"  
"Anyway, I-um-"  
"Just-maybe you might miss-oh, _don't_ look at me like that-maybe we _both_ miss-debating. But-if Bercow throws us both out-and it's not like he doesn't have a lot of gall to take out on someone else at the moment-it reflects badly for both of us, Miliband."  
"Particularly if people think you're asking me out."  
"What?"  
"Um-sorry. Just-um, just a joke-you know, you said-people would get the wrong-maybe I should go-"  
"Wait, don't-Miliband, don't. Don't-don't go."  
"Um-OK-I-"  
"I just meant-you know-"  
"You know-you said people would get the wrong idea-I was just trying to-"  
"Oh. No, I-sorry, I didn't get it. I-um."  
"It's fine, it wasn't-"  
"Oh-you think I wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea about calling you in here-"  
"No! I mean-obviously, you wouldn't, Cameron--but-I didn't mean it to be-"  
"Well-maybe I wouldn't care."  
"...You-"  
"I mean, I know you think Tories can't take a few rumours but I'm a little tougher than that. I wouldn't actually mind what people thought."  
"Oh. Well-good to know. I mean-it's not as though you would ask-"  
"Who said I wouldn't?"  
".....I-um-"  
"Nothing-just-forget it, Miliband-"  
"That's not my preferred method of answering questions, Cameron. I know it's undoubtedly one of _yours'_ but-"  
"Original, Miliband, you've never made that argument before-though maybe that's a novelty for you, sticking to one consistent point-"  
"Maybe I'd say yes."  
"And actually putting it across coh-co.....what?"  
"I. Um. Who said I'd say-maybe I'd say-yes-if-you-"  
"Oh. Right. Well. Um-"  
"Yes, well-"  
"I mean, it's not as if-I mean, imagine. Us. It's not as though-well, we don't really need to get to know each other."  
"Um-"  
"I mean-isn't that what-dating is about? Getting to know someone."  
"I suppose. Dinner. Films. That-well, that sort of thing-"  
"Discovering what we can't stand about each other."  
"After a date with you, that would be rather a long list."  
"Thanks, Miliband."  
"Sorry. That didn't-sorry."  
"It's fine. I was going to say the same."  
"..."  
"Joking, Miliband. I'm sure-I mean-I just meant, we-you know, we could probably skip the getting to know each other stage."  
"Yes. Unfortunately."  
"I feel sorry for myself already. And it's not as if-well, there's always that _thing_ , isn't there?"  
"What?"  
"When you-you know, you start going out and you don't want to argue with someone-Miliband, stop _laughing_ -yes, I am aware we'd argue, it's not that hilarious-"  
_"Would_ argue?"  
"Well, maybe we could skip that stage, too."  
"I know you're not a fan of protocol but how many would we skip? Would we end up going straight-"  
"Straight to what?"  
"I wasn't-"  
"I'm shocked, Mr. Miliband. Frankly _shocked."_  
"Oh, shut up, Cameron."  
_"Excellent_ rebuttal-"  
_"Stuff it_ , Cameron-"  
"Those words, Miliband? _Those words?"_  
"Well, what _would_ we go to? Hypothetically? Throwing the furniture at one another?"  
"You'd have us burning it in the name of Marxism."  
"Cameron, your jokes are getting _worse."_  
"Hypothetically? Probably straight into the arguing thing."  
"Aren't we there already?"  
"...I-"  
"I didn't mean-"  
"Anyway, I just meant you'd hardly have to bother with the impressing me-oh, for-"  
"Cameron, I assure you, if, in any universe, I decided to-you know-with _you_ , that would not be a matter that would keep me up at night."  
"Flattering. And by the way, the same goes."  
_"The same goes?_ That's _actually-"_  
"Oh, for pity's-fine, neither of us would impress each other, Miliband. We'd go straight to sitting on the couch watching DVDs and biting each other's heads off. Does _that_ make you happy?"  
"...It might."  
"-Oh-"  
"I-I didn't mean-"  
"No-I mean, me too-"  
"Me too?"  
"I-  
"You said _me too."_  
"I-well-"  
"I-um-well. Flattering, Cameron. I mean-if you meant-if you _had_ been asking-Anyway, I-I'm sure I'm meant to be in a meeting-"  
"What if I am?"  
"What?"  
"Asking you?"  
"Ah. Ah-um-asking me-"  
"Out. Asking you...out. Miliband."  
"...I-"  
"I mean...God. I mean-obviously, you don't need to-I mean-you can-we can forget it if you want, I mean-"  
"Cameron, I know you-um-think you're om-omniscient but you do know you're meant to give people a _chance_ to answer-"  
"Oh, Miliband, as if you _ever_ give people a chance to answer-"  
"Well, here's one. Are you or aren't you?"  
"Are I or aren't I what?"  
"Asking me."  
"Asking-"  
"Out. Asking me-out."  
"....I.........yes."  
"Yes-"  
"Yes, I am."  
".....I-...oh. Well-OK, then."  
"I know you don't like being clear, Miliband-"  
"OK, then!"  
"OK, _what?"_  
"Cameron, I know you thrive on not picking up on little details-"  
"Oh, would you shut-"  
"OK, I will."  
"Just for _once_ -you...you...you will?"  
"Yes. Go-I will. Go out with-with you."  
"Oh. I-I see."  
"Unless-unless you were just-"  
"No-I-I meant it. I mean it-"  
"Well-so do I."  
"I never said you didn't, Miliband-"  
"Good!"  
"OK, then!"  
_"OK!"_  
"Well, what-what do we do now?"  
"You started the conversation, Cameron, what would you suggest-"  
"I don't know-I suppose-I was going to suggest-come over and we'll-see how things go-"  
"Well, that'll sweep me off my feet, Cameron. _We'll see how things go_ , you missed your call as a true romantic-"  
"Oh, just come over, Miliband, for God's sake-I just-I just-want _you_ there-"  
"....That could almost sound flattering if-"  
"Maybe it was meant to!"  
"....Oh. "  
"Yes, _oh_ , Miliband. _Oh."_  
"In which case..it was. Flattering."  
"Good!"  
"Fine! I'll come!"  
_"Fine!"_  
_"Fine!"_  
"Well--um-you-I-"  
"Well-yes-I should-what are you _doing_ , Cameron?"  
"I-well, it just seemed-strange. To leave it like that."  
"Is that a straight answer, Cameron? A straight...what are y--mmph....I......oh........what...what was that?"  
"I thought you liked clear answers?"  
"Kith-kissing me is _not_ an answer, Cameron!"  
"So you didn't like it?"  
"I didn't say that."  
"What are you saying, then?"  
"....Maybe you need to repeat it for me."  
"Oh? Maybe it's your turn to ki-..to-......oh.....mm.....God, Miliband, you're actually-"  
"Jesus, Cameron-"  
"I think that should be m-me saying-"  
"David Cameron speechless. Never thought....OK, that's not fair, you can't use _k-kissing me_ -as a way to-shut me...ahh, _Cameron-"_  
"Apparently it works. And it's not as though you didn't use it."  
"Well. Apparently, you've got your answer."  
"Apparently, I have."  
"Sure you don't want it any clearer?"  
"If you want to make it that way."  
"And what does that me-... _oh_...C-Cameron, oh, you..God, David-"  
"First names?"  
"Isn't that what you do with someone you- _ah_ -like-"  
"You... _like_ me?"  
"I said yes, didn't I?"  
"Well, I-um-like-"  
"Oh, don't think you have to say it-"  
_"I like you, Ed."_  
"...You-"  
"Like you. A lot. As _this_ would suggest."  
"Trust you-to take advantage, typical _Tory_ -oh God, don't, no, don't _stop-"_  
"Don't you have a meeting to get to? Might be a bit difficult, in your condition."  
"Shut _up_ , Cameron, it's _your_ fault-"  
"I'm flattered. And anyway, if it's my fault, then maybe I should take care of it-"  
"Don't try and-Cameron-you ...ahh.. you..Tory _bastard_...oh God..I might not..actually-have...a meeting."  
"You might not- _Jesus_ , Miliband-"  
"Anwer not th-satisfactory, Cameron?"  
"Oh, God, Miliband- _Ed-"_  
"You were in opposition once. You should know we keep a good record of our opponent's weak spots."  
"Oh, shut up.. _mm-"_  
_"You_ shut up, David."  
"Try and make me."  
"Fine. That'll be enjoyable."  
"Why'd you think I suggested it?"  
"I hope your door's locked, Prime Minister. I mean, you don't pay much attention to... _ah_....God, _David-"_  
"Apparently, neither can you. Not when I'm doing _this."_  
"Shut up, David."  
"Gladly, if you do."  
"You hate me."  
"No, Miliband, _you_ hate _me."_  
"No, I don't-"  
"Say it. Say _I don't hate you, Dav-"_  
"I like you."  
"..."  
"David?"  
"Nothing. Just...surprised. I-mean-"  
"That's not uncommon-"  
"Well, earlier, you-sod it, I-I like you-I like-I like you a lot."  
"I gathered- _oh_ -would you be _careful_ , Cameron, this chair doesn't seem to be built for two-"  
"I'm _being_ careful. More careful than Labour-"  
"David?"  
"Ed?"  
"Shut up. And keep going."  
"...I think that's a point we can agree on."

* * *

  
  
"Order! Order-while I am _delighted_ that the dialogues of a few weeks ago have been put to rest, I would appreciate a little- _Order!_ If the Chancellor of the Exchequer would kindly _refrain_ from making shapes with his-the Chancellor should be aware that heart signs and wolf whistles are _not_ a part of a parliamentary discussion-I think the Prime Minister has _finished_ his answer- _order_ -while I'm sure we all appreciate that relations have improved between him and the....I don't _care_ if they don't call it that anymore, Mr. Gove ,and _no_ , in answer to the Chancellor's question, I will _not_ provide an alternative term- _order!_ If the Right Honourable Member for Doncaster North could sit down and-would the Chancellor politely _stop_ peering down the Prime Minister's collar, and _no_ , I do _not_ care for his opinion! A lot of opinions may be offered in the House but so far, we have never found it necessary to hear a comparison between two Members' _necks_ , and I plan to keep it that way! And-would the Prime Minister _please refrain_ from _shouting across the chamber!_ I don't care _what_ plans he and the Right Honourable Member-I _certainly_ don't care if those plans-if you are planning to-oh, for the love of _God!_ I would advise the Prime Minister and the Right Honourable Member _not_ to choose _there_ as tonight's evening haunt-we've already had _quite_ enough headlines and we do _not_ need any featuring the back row of a cinema!  
"Now, in the meantime-oh, would the Right Honourable Member _sit down_ -his question has been _more_ than satisfactorily answered-would he... _Right!_ I believe the Right Honourable Member has _finished_ his question and-yes, as has just been _very_ gracefully pointed out by the Chancellor, the Prime Minister will have _more_ than enough time to answer that question at his leisure tonight! Now, if both the Right Honourable Member _and_ the Prime Minister do not drop the issue, I will be forced to send _both_ of them out early-yes, Chancellor, I'm sure that _is_ what they both want-and no, I do not find it amusing- _I am not grinning, Mr. Osborne-_ oh, for the love of-  
_Right!_ If we do not have order _immediately_ , I will recall Parliament at any time during the day to finish the session! And if that means the Prime Minister sacrificing his evening to answer the questions, then _that is what will happen!_  
Right. Somehow, I thought that would have an effect. Thank you. Now, if the session could continue with some decorum-oh, for _pity's-_ the Prime Minister would do well to refrain from _gazing_ at the Right Honourable Member for Doncaster North-he is not going to go anywhere- _did the Prime Minister hear me_ -he will still be there when these questions are over-I-Mr. Osborne, he does not need to be pinched, he is not asleep-and-oh, for pity's sake, Mr. Burnham, we do _not_ need to hear how you guessed it all along-you would do well-Mr. Clegg, the country does _not_ need you to shout "And they all thought it was me!" at the rest of the chamber-the Leader of the Opposition wouldn't do well to keep shaking his head, I doubt either of them are even aware-oh, would the Leader of the Opposition please stop laughing, _God_ , Mr. Corbyn, I was relying on _you_ to keep-  
_Right!_ That is _it!_ Prime Minister's Questions is _adjourned!_ The House will reconvene tomorrow and if there is even the _hint_ of this level of discourse, I will not be responsible for my actions! Mr. Clegg, if you don't stop chanting, I will be forced to assume you have regressed to nursery-school-level-and no, I _don't_ find the idea of the Prime Minister and the Right Honourable Member "sitting in a tree" _adorable_ , Mr. Osborne-it is _not_ an amusing matter, only in _your mind_ is it an amusing matter...oh, for... _Parliament dismissed._ And for God's sake, would the Prime Minister and Mr. Miliband simply- _thank you_ -take Mr. Clegg and Mr. Farron's eloquent advice and _get a room!_ Perhaps _then_ you will both be able to focus on Parliamentary procedure!  
And _no_ , Mr. Osborne, we do _not_ need any mention of any _other_ procedures. In the meantime, _dismissed!_  
Honestly. And _I_ thought the two of them were obvious beforehand. God knows how it took _them_ five years. And _no_ , Mr. Osborne before you ask, that remark is _not_ an official part of the Parliamentary record!"  
  
  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, Dcam and Emili, don't think you were too subtle. Also, I've just been looking at old videos from the campaign and nearly died laughing at Emili's comment to the question "Have you ever pulled a moony?" His answer? "That's David Cameron you're thinking of." This, coupled with him randomly bringing up the idea of Dave taking his shirt off in a CONFERENCE SPEECH, of all places-um, does Emili just spend his time imagining Dcam sans clothes?! Ah, happy Camerband shipping.....:)  
> Leave a comment if you like it!


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